when you look at yourself (and by you I mean me) and realise that your gut has gotten, maybe, possible, the tiniest bit out of control. And this will cause lamentations because you are prone to breaking when you exercise, and, as we all know, exercise tends to help guts reduce. So you make a decision, you decide to stop eating KitKats every day (it’s not a nice decision, but you do it anyway!) and you decide to drastically cut the amount of sugar in your diet, because everyone says that sugar is metabolized too quickly and therefore helps make you fatter than you already are.
So one cold morning, the morning of the first frost when you have have on your big scarf and your nose is cold, you order a latte, a goddamn skinny latte because if you’re gonna go you might as well go hard (or some shit like that) and then you put Splenda into your latte. And then, dear readers, you want to die. Because there is no better way to ruin a good cup of coffee than putting a little paper container of Splenda in it.
Damn you slowed down metabolism rate. Damn you to hell.