Dear Reactive Arthritis Currently Hanging Out in My Left Knee and Left Sacroiliac Joint:
Hi, how’s it going these days RACHOMLKLSJ? It’s been awhile huh? Since, like, May of last year when I used the combined powers of ancient Asian medicine and physiotherapy to send you packing. Those were the days, huh? Remember how Dan the hippie would would stick needles in my ankles and back and neck and hands? And the Andrej the Antipodean would bend me in funny shapes and then try and pummel you out of me? Remember? No? Well I do.
Listen, I know that you are just doing your job when you get into my joints and make me limp around like an old lady, but seriously, enough is enough. I have, officially, had it up to here (picture me with my hand right at the top of my head, actually no, picture me with my hand above the top of my head, that’s right, RACHOMLKLSJ, ABOVE the top of my head) with you.
I am tired of taking off my clothes in front of health practitioners and letting them do ridiculous things to my body! I am tired of limping and grimacing and not doing fun things because I am in too much pain! I am tired of having to take lousy microbreaks throughout the day because if I don’t my joints start to seize. Tired, get it?
So here’s the deal, how about you hightail it down to Spain or Italy or some other warm place. There are lots of idiot tourists, just like me, who are bound to eat any number of bad eggs and give you a new home. My doctors all swear that this happens to other people so you shouldn’t have a hard time finding some new sucker to host you around. What do you say RACHOMLKLSJ? The rainy season should be just about over in Italy, Amalfi is lovely.
Bon Voyage (please?),