Fireable Offense

So we’ve been talking (obviously) about the Michael Jackson memorial a fair bit at work today.  And I mentioned that I really enjoyed Stevie Wonder’s performance and one of my temps said that he thought it was just okay and that Stevie Wonder was “overrated.”  Overrated!  I almost fired the ridiculous man on the spot.   I told him he had to go home and listen to Superstitious and then come back and talk to me about overrated.  Seriously, not liking Stevie Wonder makes you a bad person.  I didn’t make this rule, I just know it to be true.

Anyhow, in case you were wondering, here are my thoughts on the memorial:

  • Mariah Carey should have come out carrying a basket of puppies and then she should have wept, prettily, throughout her performance
  • Didn’t Berry Gordy take all the Jackson’s money when they were with Motown?  Either way his speech was nice.
  • Yes yes Maya Angelou wrote a poem.  Do you think there’s a drawer in her house labeled “Memorial Metaphors” that she goes to whenever a national figure dies
  • Magic Johnson was really sweet.  I wonder if Michael Jackson helped other sports figures as well.  Like did he make Tiger Woods a better golfer?  I hope so.
  • When Usher sang to the coffin I kind of wanted to punch him.  Instead I just said “Oh barf.” to the cat.
  • Brooke Shields was rambly but sweet
  • Al Sharpton gives me the creeps.
  • Stevie Wonder was not overrated
  • Lionel Richie! Lionel Richie! Lionel Richie!
  • I was actually surprised that Jermaine Jackson sang, it was a weirdly touching moment in the midst of all that macabre spectacle
  • Same goes for the short speech given by his daughter.  Poor kid.

It was a strange moment in television.  Sort of like a church revival but in the Staples Center rather than a tent.  The whole thing made me feel vaguely guilty, as if I was watching something not meant for me.  This often happens whenever I see grown men cry.  Or any grownups cry really.  I always feel as if I’m intruding even when it’s done on television


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