My mother says, based on a short message I left on her very old answering machine, that I sound like I have pneumonia. Rest easy, dear reader(s) and Mom, I do not have pneumonia. Just the tail end of the flu, which in Carolyn terms, mean I have a cough that sounds like my lungs are trying to forcibly remove themselves from my body. This is the same cough I get every year after I get either the flu or a bad cold. Sometimes I get it twice a year. I have only once had pneumonia when I was 3. Bronchitis is another story all together, but I think I have managed to avoid it this time (knock wood, cross fingers, etc).
Despite feeling better than I had all week, I stayed in again this weekend and dosed up on lots of hot tea and cough syrup and soup. Much of my time was spent threatening to infect Jeremy whenever he was a jerk (which, sadly, was often) and watching the X Factor and complaining about that miserable Simon Cowell not voting off the equally miserable John and Edward (if you don’t know who they are, well then you should count each of your lucky stars).
I considered trying to fake sick today but I didn’t think my boss would buy a diagnosis of pneumonia on the basis of sounding terrible on an answering machine on another continent as a legitimate excuse.
I am not a reliable narrator 
You must be better. You are mocking my ability to diagnosis your illness over the telephone. Just remember I was the one in the hospital with you when you had pneumonia little Missy! Do not mock the Mom!
Glad your better,
Now go to your room and come out when you are in a better mood!
Love you,
Me