I forgot to tell you, the Godspeed show last Monday was stupendous. Seriously, seriously amazing. Really.
I bought a t-shirt. It’s green with a gold design. I like it a bunch.
The weekend involved Christmas antics. A Christmas curry in East Dulwich with friends and then a Christmas open house in Peckham with other friends and attendance at the Christmas party and live broadcast of Voice of Americans in Nunhead on Resonance FM. This was held at The Old Nun’s Head, in Nunhead. I was there in official capacity as I was drafted into holding a lyric sheet for our friend Edori of Edori Fertig and the Sunny Side Up Band. I still drank a fair bit of wine though.
But, unsurprisingly, even though all these things are fun and I am happy to have been present and accounted for because I enjoyed myself. I mean it, I did enjoy myself. I’m still sad. Like I said, unsurprising. It’s a very melancholy holiday season this year, and since I’m often melancholy on my best days, that’s saying quite a lot.
I miss everything about my dad right now, even the things I hated. Even though I’m not as overwhelmingly sad as I was just 5 short weeks ago, it’s still a constant undercurrent. It’s supposed to be, this is grief, and grief is horrible.
I’m getting through. I find myself become even more attached to the small trinkets I have that belonged to his mother. I’ve been wearing one of her brooches nearly every day. I’ll be making cookies from one of her old recipes this week. And I’ll almost certainly be looking at lots of old pictures and having a cry or 20. It’s okay (not really) I’m getting through (really) and it’ll still be a good holiday season. Cocktailmas / Christmakah lives on, it’ll just be a bit less boisterous this year.