New mothers are a slightly dangerous breed. We’re hormonal and sleep deprived and often healing SLOOOOOWLY from stitches in places I’m not going to mention on this blog. So here are some handy tips on how best to approach the new mother in your life, particularly if she is breastfeeding on demand.
- Stay the hell away from her snacks – this may actually apply even more than it did when she was pregnant. She needs to eat just as much and she can probably only do it with one hand because she’s also trying to feed a squalling baby. If you take that cookie or granola bar and leave her with nothing easy to shove into her mouth she may well use that free hand to punch you in the face.
- When she tells you that she is very tired, do not, DO NOT, try to compare your tiredness with hers.
- When you see her for the first time post birth you tell her how awesome she looks and how beautiful her baby is. Ignore the fact that she still probably looks a little bit pregnant and her baby probably has baby acne (it’s real! Ignore it.) and just tell her she looks great. You’ll both know it’s a lie but she will choose to believe it and you will get good karma points.
- If you ask her how the birth went, let her know upfront how much detail you want. If you don’t specify that you only want the Reader’s Digest version you may end up learning more about all sorts of scary crap then you actually wanted to.
- Don’t try to take her picture while she’s breastfeeding or just after she’s finished breastfeeding unless she gives you the okay first.
- Bring cake. Or pie or pizza or cookies or some other deliecious easy to eat snack.
- Seriously, stay away from her snacks, all right. Even if you brought the snacks. You let her pick first. You could lose a hand if you don’t.