I hate this picture

Another tourist in Iceland took this picture of us while we were hiking up to Reykjadalur to see the thermal streams. I’ll be frank and admit that I think I look terrible in this photo. My face is bright red,the weight I’ve put on over the last few years is super apparent, my hiking outfit is functional but unflattering, I had no control over the framing of the picture. And etc and etc and etc. I look at this picture and I fall down the hole of everything that I don’t like about myself. 

So I have to grab a handhold and climb the fuck out of that stupid hole because there are so many reasons to love this picture. 

Let’s list those mothercluckers.

1. This picture was taken in Iceland, and fyi, Iceland is amazing.
2. My body was allowing me to climb up a bunch of steep paths through beautiful scenery to an amazing endpoint.
3. I hiked those paths with my family. 
4. I showed my kid that I can do things. I can do things that are difficult even if my cheeks turn red and breath gets a little lost. I can do it.
5. In that exact moment I was so happy and proud of myself.
6. This picture proves that sometimes I get to beat my condition. Or at least control it.
7. It was such a good, joyful, fun day and I have a million other pictures from it but I’m glad to have this one non selfie of all three of us on the side of mountain having an actual adventure.

So I guess I don’t hate that picture. And that means I can’t hate myself in that picture,or the body I inhabit in it. 

It can be hard to remember sometimes that I’m so much more than what I look like but it’s worth it to remind myself that I am. I just need to do it more often.

This picture i love without reservation. Just wanted to show that those exist too